"We knew kids were getting high off this legal crack in a can," said Dr. Edwards. "We also knew that since the product was released here in Iowa, the rate of teenage pregnancies skyrocketed. And many pediatricians have reported seeing seriously calloused penises - a sign that some local men were masturbating at dangerously high speeds. The drug community calls it speed jacking," said Dr. Edwards. "The tests we performed just confirmed our assumptions that this so-called energy drink is nothing more than liquid sin in a fancy tin. They can't call it crank, because that is illegal, so they slyly call it Red Bull and no one thinks anything of it."
So that's why people drink it, I thought it was called Red Bull because it tastes like bull piss.
Oh, wait, here's another one:
One parent reported that their three-year-old child chewed up half the plaid indoor-outdoor carpeting on their patio. Yes, indeed, carpet munchers in our very midst!
Friends, letÃ‚â€™s get to the facts now. Dr. Edwards Googled this Red Bull Ã‚â€“ which is nothing more than Ã‚â€œliquid sin in a fancy tin,Ã‚â€ and he put it under a Bible Scope in the Creation Science Lab. Friends, he made a startling discovery. This so-called Ã‚â€œenergy drinkÃ‚â€ is carbonated bull urine, with lemon flavoring and enough crystal meth to get a whole housing project full of Negroes tap dancing up and down the streets until dawn.
Whoda thunk it?