A quick piece written in response to a prompt on that site - A-Team and Matlock crossover, with a birthday party as a plot device. I make no excuses or apologies.
Hannibal sat out on the small deck in the teamâ€™s latest hideout, savoring a cigar in the evening air. Inside the dingy Cape Cod home, B.A. and Face played a desultory game of gin rummy. Thus it was that Hannibal was the first member of the A Team to see the young woman approaching. She looked nervous, and clutched her purse to her chest.
â€œUm, are you Mr. Hannibal?â€ she asked.
â€œMaybe,â€ he replied, removing his cigar. â€œIs there some sort of problem, miss?â€
â€œWell, I, uh, I was told that you couldâ€¦ help people with unusual problems.â€
â€œWho told you that?â€ Hannibal asked, leaning forward on the railing. Face emerged from the front door, and smiled at the young brunette.
â€œDianne!â€ he exclaimed. â€œHow are you? Do you still have that problem you told me about at the health club?â€
Just then, B.A. appeared behind Face. â€œWhatâ€™s going on here?â€ he grumbled.
Hannibal grinned around his cigar. â€œWhy donâ€™t we all go inside and discuss this matter?â€ he suggested.
The quartet sat around a battered table in the small kitchen and Dianne poured out her tale of woe.
â€œ Iâ€™m having a party,â€ she began.
â€œI love a party!â€ interrupted Face.
Dianne gave him a pained look, and he looked abashed and motioned for her to go on. â€œI mean, Iâ€™m having a party right now. Iâ€™ve been having it for three days now, and I canâ€™tâ€¦â€ She broke off, beginning to cry.
Hannibal placed a fatherly hand on her arm. â€œItâ€™s okay, honey. Tell us what the problem is. Maybe we can help. For a fee.â€
â€œItâ€™s this oneâ€¦ guest. He just. Wonâ€™t. Leave. He showed up two hours early, ate all the appetizers, and now itâ€™s three days later and he just sits there, rambling on and on. Every time I think heâ€™s drifted off to sleep, he opens his eyes and tells another rambling story about some case or otherâ€¦ itâ€™s awful!â€ She burst into tears again, clearly at the end of her tether.
Hannibal exchanged a look with Face and B.A. They nodded back to him. This was a job for the A-Team.
The first order of business was to break Murdock out of the mental hospital where he resided. Next, Face adopted several disguises while the rest of the team drugged B.A. and dumped him unceremoniously into a helicopter, which Murdock flew somewhere for no apparent reason.
In no time at all, the A-Team found themselves at the â€œparty,â€ facing their adversary: an elderly man in a light grey suit, telling rambling stories about his exploits as a simple country lawyer.
â€œFriend, Iâ€™m giving you fair warning, itâ€™s time to leave this party,â€ said Hannibal, flanked by Face, B.A., and Murdock. Dianne hovered nervously to one side.
â€œWay-el, I donâ€™t know about that,â€ replied Ben Matlock (for that was who the long-past-his-welcome guest was) â€œI think there might still be a few hot dogs somewhere. And I donâ€™t believe you boys are in possession of the full facts of the case, neither.â€
â€œWeâ€™ll just see about that,â€ said Hannibal with his trademark cheery grin. The A-Team gathered around in a huddle at a signal from their leader. â€œWeâ€™ll need a plan,â€ whispered Hannibal. â€œFace, you go don another disguise and flirt with some generic blondes. B.A., you weld some shit to a tractor or something. Murdock, bark and pretend youâ€™re a dog and fetch a bunch of machine guns, and meanwhile, Iâ€™ll be avuncular and keep an eye out for Colonel Decker. Then, once you all get that done, weâ€™ll stand about five feet away from the old bugger and shoot the hell out of everything but him while B.A. drives his armored John Deere around in circles. Got it?â€ The team nodded their assent.
Meanwhile, Matlock dispatched his investigator, Tyler Hudson, to the kitchen and stalled Dianne with legal anecdotes and folksy wisdom.
Just as the A-Team burst back onto the scene, firing wildly and flanked by a John Deere lawn tractor outfitted with armor plate and a turret, Matlockâ€™s investigator came running into the room.
â€œYou were right, Matlock! There were still hot dogs in the kitchen! This changes everything!â€ he yelled, and everything came to a halt. Matlock accepted the hot dog brandished by Tyler Hudson, his investigator, and took a big bite.
â€œMmmm. Thatâ€™s a good hot dog. Tyler, I do believe we can take our leave of Miss Dianne now,â€ Matlock said with a smile. He rose slowly to his feet and shuffled out the front door.
â€œI love it when a plan comes together,â€ said Hannibal, lighting a fresh cigar amid the bullet-riddled wreckage of Dianneâ€™s living room.
â€œI pity the fooâ€™ got to listen to that old man talk,â€ exclaimed B.A. while Murdock barked and Face took Dianneâ€™s hand and kissed it.